


I’ll go with you

by Ihateyouandyourmum



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-15
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-29 01:48:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17798807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ihateyouandyourmum/pseuds/Ihateyouandyourmum
Summary: Jeremy is having a panic attack but the SQUIP stopped him from seeing micheal and everything’s going wrong.In which Michael is still the best best friend ever even when Jeremy isn’t the best to him.Set before the play.





	I’ll go with you

Jeremy’s foot nervously tapped against the table, butterflies hit the side of his stomach, pressure building as their wings fluttered around his insides. His hands began to shake, his breathing began to get harder to control and his thoughts spun around in his head at a million miles an hour.

This wasn’t unusual for him, but he wished it wasn’t happening here. Usually Michael would be there to help him. _Micheal_. The only boy who seemed to have the power to calm him down, but Michael probably hated him and even if he didn’t Michael couldn’t see him, the SQUIP wouldn’t let him.

 _Of course I won’t let you_ ,  _I’m not risking your popularity because of a stupid panic attack._

Jeremy’s breath hitched in his throat as he heard the voice in his head. The thing that had trapped him in his own body, made him screw up with his best friend, the thing he couldn’t get away from. The SQUIP. God he hoped the bell would go soon before he plunged into a full panic attack. His legs were already getting weak with anxiety, dizziness flooding his vision as his rapid breaths deprived him of oxygen. Jeremy looked across the room to see if Michael was there with him, catching sight of his red hoodie, and scruffy brown hair before the SQUIP blocked him once again.

When the bell finally did go Jeremy could barely stand up to leave. He wanted Michael, _needed_ Michael. But he couldn’t see Michael, and he couldn’t shout out, he unsteadily leaned himself against the wall of the emptying maths corridor. He was invisible, nobody cared, even in his popularity no one really cared and the only person who really did he couldn’t see, he couldn’t talk to. Because he didn’t care anymore either.

_Of course he doesn’t! You’re a loser having a panic attack in the hallway, this is how you want people to see you? You’re ruining everything Jeremy!_

but Micheal was watching, looking on at his former friend and for the first time in weeks seeing something vaguely familiar behind the facade he had made. Jeremy was still Jeremy, the anxious boy that needed his help right now no matter what he had done. He was shaking, his legs were barely holding him up anymore, on the verge of tears and breathing heavily, almost whimpering. 

Michael had spent years consoling his best friend through panic attacks. Many because of school, family, anything really, Jeremy had always had bad anxiety since Michael had met him in preschool, it’d only got worse in high school, he promised he’d always be there for him.  _But he also said he’d always be there for you and look where you are now._ But that isn’t his fault it’s the SQUIP's. _But he took the SQUIP didn’t he? He doesn’t want you anymore, he can’t even see you._ shut up.

Michael stepped forward towards his friend as he fell to the floor, scrunching himself into a ball against the wall and putting his hands against his ears, hiding his face as he began to cry.  _Was this really what he wanted? He thought popularity would make him happy, but it hasn’t it’s the same as before but worse._ Michael moved forwards and grabbed his hands trying to pull the taller boy up before his anxiety made him unable to stand to get him out of there, Jeremy looked up at him with pleading eyes but at the same time also looked straight through him.

“Optic nerve blocking on...”

Jeremy couldn’t move himself with the shaking, what a great place for this to happen, god he was so pathetic _you’re so pathetic._  He felt his hands getting tugged on, looking up to see who was trying to pull him up but seeing no one, no one was there, but he could feel them. Soft hands, smooth, warm, slightly sweaty but calming like this was where he was meant to be. It could only be on person, he would know them anywhere.

“M-Michael?”

So he could recognised him somehow, Michael smiled at the boy, happy his friend knew it was him but still aware he couldn’t see him. It was also now obvious to Michael that Jeremy was too shaky to move so he hooked under his arm and legs, picking the boy up bridal style before deciding what to do with him. Jeremy had always been light, lighter than other guys anyway, but since he had stopped hanging out with Michael he had got thinner, his ribs poking out from his shirt, he could feel how small and weak he was without Michael making him eat everyday and Michael suddenly felt so helpless against the power of the SQUIP. He couldn't be there for him even if both of them wanted him to be.

“I don’t know if you can hear me Jer but I’m gonna take you somewhere safe okay? You’re gonna be alright, you’re alright.” He half said it to calm himself down.

Jeremy’s ears heard it, the soothing voice of his best friend. So he did still care... _He just feels sorry for you_! Jeremy tried his best to fight against the computer in his brain, snuggling into Michael who he could feel but no matter how hard he tried couldn’t see. 

“I w-want it-t to g-go awa-ay”

“Want what to go away jer?”

Michael began walking towards a more private way out of the school so no one had to see Jeremy like this and then towards his car. Jeremy was snuggled into his side, making his shirt wet with tears.

“T-the SQUIP, I want t-to b-be able to see y-you. I didn’t w-want this!”

So it wasn’t Jeremy who wanted this. It was the SQUIP, Michael was right, but he didn’t know how to get Jeremy out of this. He didn’t know the solution.

Michael's warmth suddenly disappeared, placing him on a harder surface making Jeremy open his eyes, light shining at him making him look like a baby seeing light for the first time. And then he felt hands the door slam next to him and soft hands pull a seat belt around him. _Micheal, Micheal. Micheal._ He opened his eyes and saw him, and god he missed him, so much it hurt. His red jacket hanging loosely on him. He looked like he was on the verge of tears, his eyes watering behind his too big glasses. hair spiked up where he had been moving it around in stress, making his handsome cheekbones far more prominent (did he just say that?). He looked over at Jeremy, smiling slightly as he saw that for once he boy wasn’t looking completely through him. He could see Michael.

_You can’t hold me back forever Jeremy._

“M-Michael?”

Michael looked down at the still shaking figure beside him, he can see you. Jeremy’s eyes weren’t blessed over or distant but looking straight at Michael, fear etched on his face. Despite Jeremy’s frequent panic attacks he’d never got used to them, it never stopped feeling like he was dying in the midst of them, like he couldn’t breathe, like he needed Michael. The car started, pulling the boys away from the school to Michael's house, somewhere he knew Jeremy would be safe at least until this passed over,  _At least until he could find some damn way to get this damn super computer out of his best friends head._

The car pulled into Michael driveway, his mom's weren’t home so he had no problem with questions as he carried the smaller boy down to his bedroom in the basement, Jeremy trying his hardest to be able to see his friend but the tiredness from the panic attack making it harder and harder to fight the SQUIP. He could feel his eyes getting heavier, lulling his to sleep in the warmth of Michael's embrace.

Jeremy began to get heavier as his eyes drooped and he fell asleep in the boys arms. That was okay, that gives you time to see how we can fix this. Michael placed the boy onto his bed, going over to the computer to shower the internet for information on this SQUIP until he found a page that was in Japanese but he quickly google translated, hoping it wouldn’t bring up absolute rubbish like he had when he cheated on his Spanish homework multiple times.

To activate a SQUIP drink Mountain Dew green, to deactivate the SQUIP drink Mountain Dew red.

That’s the solution, and Michael shot out of the house to buy some.

When Jeremy woke up he was in a familiar room, Michael's room.

 _See you fucked stuff up more Jeremy what will people think if they see you coming out of this losers house._ He’s not a loser he’s my friend. _He hates you, you ditched him he’s only doing this out of pity. Get out of his house now before he comes back_. But... _no buts_.

Michael wasn’t there in the room, the SQUIP was right he had to get out. He’d been so dumb how could he have let himself do this. _Everything about me is so terrible, everything about me makes me wanna die_. His legs began to move involuntarily, dragging him up the stairs, he had to go to play rehearsal. Yeah, that’s what he told himself. He had to be there the play was soon he couldn’t miss it. He was still so shaky. Couldn’t. Couldn’t.

Michael ran back into the house, Mountain Dew red in hand after searching the entire town for any of the soft drink left from the 90s.

But Jeremy wasn’t there.

But now Michael knew how to save him.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this ages ago and found it on my notes because honestly there isn’t enough comfort fic.


End file.
